


Break My Heart

by round_robin



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Anal Sex, Anger, Blow Jobs, DS9, DS9 spoilers, Federation Prison, Grief, Holodecks/Holosuites, M/M, Maquis, Pseudo-Incest, Quark - Freeform, Treason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:57:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/round_robin/pseuds/round_robin
Summary: Will remembered being this stupid and arrogant, he was glad he grew out of it. Thomas apparently hadn’t. “I’m not on leave. I had to trade a month of night shifts to get time to come here. I had to pull every last string I have. We have three hours and then I will never see you again. Is this how you want it to be? Suspicion and holding each other at arm’s length? You broke my heart once, Thomas, don’t do it again.”





	Break My Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read the tags if you don't want spoilers.
> 
> This wasn't supposed to be a sequel, but turned into a kind of half sequel to my fic "My Brother's Keeper." You don't need to read that to understand this one, but I do make references from that fic in here. I've been trying to write another Will/Thomas story for a while now and nothing really stuck. With Thomas betraying the Federation (if anyone's not up on DS9, this has spoilers) there really isn't much time for Thomas and Will to meet up and have adventures together. I finally fell on the right idea, so I'm very happy about that.
> 
> I always forget what notes I want to add, so I'll probably add more to this later. Please enjoy. :)

Zero. That was the number of favors Will Riker had left. He called in all his markers, forgave every debt owed to him, straight up deleted a few compromising images in his possession, and doled out a few favors of his own in top of it. Will wasn’t the kind of man to hold people in debt, but he was a gambler, and a good one at that. Whether he liked it or not, there were people out there in the galaxy who owed him a lot of money, and it was a day like this that made him glad he had that sort of cachet to burn, because he needed it all.

Three hours is what it bought him. Three hours to say goodbye. Yeah, that was it, to say goodbye.

He wasn’t in uniform. In a way, the only thing worse than visiting a Federation prison was visiting in a Federation uniform. The reminder that the utopian ideas the Federation tried to strive for but never met was on full display at the prisons. Yes, they were humane, more of a temporary confinement in payment for criminal activity than the punitive systems of the past, but the mere fact that they existed showed how far the Federation still had to go.

Besides, he didn’t want to rub Thomas’ nose in it. Well... part of him did. But not in the way he expected. It was more a sense of anger. Yes, anger. He was angry at Thomas. Angry for what he’d done, that he hadn’t told Will he’d thrown himself in with the Maquis, or that he was thinking about it at all. He was angry that Thomas used his name to get on DS9, to commit his crimes, dragging him into a long and uncomfortable court martial that was already tough enough for Will.

Mostly, he was angry over the time Thomas stole from them; he’d banked on years of conversations and getting to know one another, seeing the path Thomas took not as Will’s clone, but as his brother, friend, and confidant. They shared something no one else in the universe could share and now it was gone and it was Thomas’ fault. Will was just so angry.

So here he sat, on a bland sofa in the nearly bare Federation prison private visiting room, about to see his brother for the last time. And they weren’t even brothers, they were something more, something deeper, but brothers was the best word to describe it and soon he’d have no words to describe it because Thomas took those too. Soon, he wouldn’t be able to mention Thomas’ name aboard his own damn starship without crew members whispering and spreading rumors about Will Riker’s possible ties to the Maquis. The Federation was forward thinking in many respects, but once you had a traitor in your family, sideways glances were the least of what you might endure. Just think of Worf, or Simon Tarses.

Will shook the thoughts from his head. Today wasn’t about blame. Thomas had his day in court and now he had a life in jail. There was no changing it.

The door opened and Will stood up. A guard led Thomas into the room and secured the door behind them before turning his attention to Thomas’ handcuffs. Will’s gut clenched at the sight of the cuffs. He saw the shackles around Thomas’ ankles and had to sit back down for a moment.

He prepared himself for this, he thought long and hard about this visit, he’d already made it through five security checkpoints manned by armed guards. None of it hit him until now. This sick twisting in his stomach at the sight of Thomas in chains, literal chains that clinked when he moved.

The guard removed the shackles and handcuffs, and Will managed to stand again. Thomas stared back at him, his eyes flat and empty, betraying zero emotion to Will.

The guard instructed Thomas to walk into the center of the room, away from the door, before entering a passcode. He turned and nodded to Will. “Three hours, then you knock on this door and we’ll come get him.”

“Thank you.” Will was surprised his voice worked at all. The guard nodded again and left. The door locked behind him, loud enough for them both to hear, to let them know: this was still a prison, special visit be damned.

Once they were alone, Will released a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding, and looked at Thomas. “Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Thomas grunted. Hunched, sullen, he didn’t look much like the man Will knew. It was understandable in a way, but Will wasn’t used to seeing his brother like this. He was barely used to seeing him at all. They hadn’t had much contact since Risa, just the visit to their father, a handful of video calls and messages sent back and forth, then Will heard Thomas deserted his post. Then he heard the charges...

No, he wasn’t going to do this. He had three hours and he wasn’t going to spend it feeling sorry for them.

He held open his arms. “Can I get a hug? I did a lot to arrange this.”

Thomas’ eyes darted up to the corner of the room, to the very much not hidden security camera. He shook his head. “No, I don’t want them to have anything to use against me.”

“The camera’s off,” Will whispered.

Thomas’s eyes went wide. “What?”

“Like I said, I did a lot to arrange this.”

For the first time, Thomas smiled a little. It didn’t last long and didn’t reach his eyes but Will considered it a win. “Oh yes, I’ve heard. The warden came to my cell before they brought me out, told me he owed you a bundle, and that you forgave it all to keep this visit off the books. He told me I better show you some gratitude for it.”

“He did owe me a bundle.” Enough latinum to make a ferrengi blush. And Will forgave the whole debt for no cameras, and no records that he was here. It was an easy price to pay. “A man who bets like Warden Eliot should have a lot of money, or a lot of luck. He doesn’t have either. Now where’s my hug?”

The tightness in Thomas’ shoulders disappeared for a split second and he leaned in. Will wrapped his arms around his brother and held tight. He buried his nose in Thomas’ neck, inhaling deep to savor his smell. He had to savor everything now. There was never going to be another moment.

They held on for what felt like hours, but it still wasn’t long enough.

Thomas pulled away first and the sick twisting in Will’s gut was back. “Hey.” He grabbed his brother’s wrist and pulled him back. “I wasn’t done.”

“No.” Thomas shook him off and stepped away. Four whole feet away. Will felt every inch like a knife in his heart. All he wanted was to hold Thomas, touch his brother and squeeze out the last drops of comfort they had for one another, and Thomas refused? This was not what Will planned at all.

“No?” he repeated. Thomas nodded. “Why?”

Thomas’ eyes darted to the dark security camera. “They’re watching. I don’t care what deal you made, the Federation lies, they’re watching, just waiting to get one over on me.”

Will came here today with the intention of forgiving his brother. He wanted this last moment to be nice for them, a fond, warm memory to last them. But Thomas just had to be Thomas.

“Are you kidding me?” Will snapped. “This is your fault, you know. The only reason you’re here is you and your reactionary politics. Do you know what I went through to get this meeting?”

Thomas rolled his eyes. “Yeah, you gave up a boatload of latinum—”

“It’s not just the latinum!” Will shouted over his brother and got in his face. Oh yes, he remembered being this stupid and arrogant, he was glad he grew out of it. Thomas apparently hadn’t. “I’m not on leave. I had to trade a month of night shifts to get time to come here. I had to pull every last string I have. I think I’ve gone down in a few people’s estimations—important people, people who can decide where my career goes from here—and I have definitely put myself back on the Federation’s radar. You know what it’s like for people with traitors in the family! And I don’t care. I did all this, all of it! Just to see you. You think my deals aren’t good? I don’t care. We have three hours and then I will never see you again. Is this how you want it to be? Suspicion and holding each other at arm’s length? You broke my heart once, Thomas, don’t do it again.”

The hard edges of Thomas’ face softened. He reached out and brushed Will’s cheek, only then did he realize he was crying. “I’m sorry,” Thomas whispered. “I’m... angry. At everything. And I’m taking it out on you. I’m sorry. Please, don’t cry for me, Will, I’m not worth your tears.”

Leaning forward, he pressed their lips together. More tears rolled down Will’s face. Thomas tasted the salt and pain and held tighter. He was wrong to pull away, he knew that deep down, he never wanted to push Will away, not when they had so few moments left.

“I’m sorry.” Thomas kissed down Will’s jaw and neck, punctuating each kiss with the words he most wanted to say. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

Will grabbed Thomas’ shoulders and started leading them over to the couch. It wasn't ideal, but he didn’t want to push his luck by asking for the traditional conjugal rooms. He didn’t need any more rumor or scandal attached to his name.

Seeing where this was going, Thomas whirled them around and pushed Will back onto the couch. His arms spread out to catch his fall, knees opening. Perfect.

Thomas dropped to his knees and settled between Will’s legs. “I’m sorry,” he said, opening Will’s belt. “I’m sorry,” he said as Will lifted his hips and slid his trousers down. “I’m sorry.” He pressed his face into Will’s thigh, his nose brushing against the lovely cock waiting under one more thin layer of fabric. Will shuddered above him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, kissing up Will’s leg, closer and closer to his cock. “I’m sorry.”

Will brushed his fingers through his brother’s hair. “I forgive you.” That is why he came here. Well, he had a lot of reasons, but that was high up on his list. More than anything, Will wanted his brother to know that he was forgiven. Will didn’t even need to know the exact extent of Thomas’ crimes (he chose to sit outside during that portion of his court martial) he was going to forgive his brother if those were the last words they said to each other.

Thomas was done apologizing with his words. Action had always spoken the loudest in their family.

He tugged at the hem of Will’s briefs and Will lifted his hips to help. He really didn’t want to think what else was on this couch. Maybe they should stop and put his jacket down or—

Will’s thoughts slammed to a stop as Thomas’ mouth closed around his half-hard cock. “Shit,” he gasped. Since Thomas entered his life, Will made sure to note what was different about them—it made their whole situation a little easier to digest—and one thing he noticed right away was Thomas’ extreme lack of patience. When he was with a partner, Will took his time, he moved slowly and teased to get to maximum pleasure out of every situation. Thomas wasn’t like that. He was fond of the “stick it in my mouth right away,” method. And yes, Will hemmed and hawed about how “unromantic” it was, but in moments like this, speed was necessary and refreshing.

A skilled tongue ran up the side of hie shaft, applying the right amount of pleasure to tease all of Will’s sensitive spots. Thomas knew them all like the back of his hand, sometimes, better than Will thought he knew his own cock. He tried not to think about why—all those lonely nights on Nervala IV, wondering if he’d ever see another human ever again, wondering if he’d ever see Deanna, touch her, hold her—

Will clamped down on those sad thoughts. He’d had enough sadness recently, and that wasn’t what today was about.

Thomas took all of him in one gulp, leaving Will almost breathless. His fingers curled in Thomas’ hair, which only spurred him on. “Oh, shit,” Will gasped again.

Too soon, he was getting so close and it wasn’t enough. “Stop!” Will gasped. He pushed Thomas away, shaking his head.

Thomas’ face darkened for a moment before realizing: yes, they both needed more. One quick blow job wouldn’t be a fitting end for whatever they had.

He stood up and stripped out of his clothes. Will leaned forward to help, focusing on the lovely flashes of skin being bared and not on the Federation prison uniform. He loved the Federation, he dedicated his life to it, but right now, his brother mattered more and part of him couldn’t help but hate what brought them here.

With Thomas’ naked skin under his fingers, Will wasted no time. He peppered kisses along a slightly too-thin stomach (he had adequate food here, it was the law, but with the stress of the trial...) and kissed protruding hip bones. Once upon a time, they had the same body and Will knew he hadn’t seen his own hips like this in years. He tried not to think about it, letting the thought fester at the back of his mind for a later, sadder reflection on his brother.

After getting his fill, Will stripped off his own shirt and pulled Thomas down on top of him. Straddling his lap, Thomas pressed their lips together in a kiss they both wished would never end.

Their cocks rubbed together, pressed tightly between them, and soon kissing wasn’t enough. Will didn’t want to stop touching his brother, so he wrapped his arms around Thomas and lifted—it was a little too easy. He grabbed his jacket from the floor and sat them back down all in one smooth motion.

Thomas smiled against Will’s lips. “I remember when we learned that one.”

Will smiled back. He shook his jacket, freeing the tube of lube he secreted into the prison. If the sensors picked it up, no one said anything, and besides, he was banking on his reputation as a... formidable lover to explain why he had it. No one would think Will brought lube specifically for the visit to his brother. At least, he hoped not.

He wrapped his arms around Thomas again and shifted them. There was a little awkward fumbling, a little struggling to find the right position on the too small couch, until finally Will had them where he wanted. Thomas leaned forward on the arm, Will kneeling behind him, one arm wrapped around his hips.

His cock slotted into the crack of Thomas’ ass so nicely and fuck how he wanted to just plunge in... Will took a breath and slowed down. The cold lube against his cock did wonders to bring him back down. A little more focused, Will slowly pushed inside Thomas. They both shivered. Thomas, who never seemed to know when to shut up, was silent for once. He reached back and grabbed Will’s leg for no reason other than to hold him. Will slid his hand down and gripped Thomas’ fingers tight.

He rocked his hips back and forth, slowly at first, then picking up speed. Thomas’ silence turned into a small, whispered chant of “Yes, yes, yes...”

Will leaned forward, blanketing himself over Thomas’ back. He felt his brother’s heart beat and remembered how it was once his own. That’s what made this so hard. He wasn’t just losing a brother, in a way, Will was losing part of himself. What if he’d been left behind after the transporter malfunction? Will spent years telling himself he wouldn’t have turned out as angry and bitter as Thomas had, but he knew that was a lie. In his more depressed moments, Will thought about being alone on Nervala IV, left by his crew, lost and alone...

He understood why Thomas did what he did. The Federation left him behind, what loyalty did he owe to them? But Will was the Federation’s man through and through, no way to change it. Still, he had no doubt these thoughts would bother him for the rest of his life, knowing that, had the chips fallen the other way, he might be the terrorist and Thomas the patriot.

Fumbling around a little, Will managed to wrap his hand around Thomas’ cock. A few short tugs was all it took, and while Thomas groaned and shook, pulling Will with him, all Will could do was endlessly whisper “I forgive you, I forgive you...”

Spent and exhausted, Thomas collapsed under Will’s weight. Will managed to arrange them a little before his strength left him too. They were both lying in come and neither cared, they just held tight and waited out the rest of their time in silence. After that, nothing more needed to be said, and nothing ever would.

With less than ten minutes left, they started getting dressed. Slow, stalling movements, touching each other as much as possible. Will hadn’t needed help getting dressed in years but he didn’t mind when Thomas took extra long straightening his collar, warm fingers brushing against his neck.

When they knew they’d stretched to the very last moment they had, Will made his way to the door, Thomas close behind him.

“Maybe,” Thomas said, it was the first they’d spoken in hours. “After you’re retired, the Federation won’t care that you’re visiting a traitor.”

Will smiled despite himself. “You’ll still want to see me when I’m a gray old man?”

“Hey, I’ll be that same gray old man.”

Will took one last look at his brother’s smile, different than his but not completely, still hopeful. That’s what hurt the most. All their talk of the last time, their last visit, Thomas still held out hope of more. He had to. Hope was all he had now. And Will couldn’t break his brother’s heart like that.

“Maybe,” he said.

“Good.” Thomas nodded. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Will tried to smile. It didn’t quite work. “Computer,” he said, Thomas’ face hovering inches from his. “End program.”

The simulation froze and began to fade. Will focused on Thomas’ eyes for the last few seconds he had. Then there was nothing. The black of the holosuite stared back at him and for the first time since Thomas’ trial, Will felt so very cold inside. Eyes locked on the spot where Thomas just was, Will let himself cry, one last time.

 

~

 

Quark was standing right outside the door when Riker opened it. He almost ran over the little ferengi (part of him kind of wanted to).

Quark tapped his wrist. “You went half an hour over.” Riker ignored him and walked out of the holosuites, making his way out of the bar and back towards his transport off this gods forsaken space station. “You know,” Quark said, trying to keep pace with Riker’s much longer legs, “if you were a paying customer, I’d charge you double for going over! That’s just how business is done.”

Will crashed to a halt in the middle of the promenade and glared down at Quark. “I forget, how much latinum did you owe me? Was it nineteen bars? Or twenty?”

“Hey, hey now,” Quark said, lifting his hands in a gesture of surrender. Yeah, it was easy to change a ferengi’s tune. “Let’s not be hasty here.”

“How much does three and a half hours in your holosuites cost?” Riker growled. Beyond angry, beyond frustrated and tired, he did not have the patience to deal with Quark. He crowded the ferengi against the wall and glared down at him—they were still on the promenade but Riker didn’t give two shits who saw him. “Half a strip of latinum? Let’s double it—one strip. So how about you pay me twenty bars minus one strip. Does that work for you?”

“C’mon, Commander, I’m just kidding you.” Quark pulled at his collar, his throat getting tight at the sight of Riker’s large hands within strangeling range. “Look, we have a good relationship, let’s just call it even, yeah? Next time you come by, I’ll even give you an hour with your program. Free!”

“No.” Riker leaned in closer, fully aware of the eyes on the promenade watching him threaten Quark. The chief of security stood just down the way from them, monitoring for when things got... messy. “You remember our deal about that program, yeah?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t just delete it, destroy it. Purge it from every computer you have. No one is to see it. Understand?”

“Yeah, yeah, I remember.”

“Good.” Part of him thought of what it took to make that program—all his favors to get a layout of the prison, the visiting room, time off—and hated throwing it away like this. These were not plans Starfleet gave out willy nilly. He really did cash in his every last chip for perfect accuracy. It was the only way the memory would stick. The only way he could lie to himself, convince his mind that he got to say goodbye, got to see Thomas’ face as he forgave him. He was never going to see his brother again. The simulation needed to be perfect to grant him the smallest amount of peace.

It didn’t feel real yet. Riker though maybe age and time would help... blurring real memories with simulation. He wasn’t holding out much hope.

Pushing away from Quark, he headed towards the shuttle bay. Half a dozen eyes flashed away from him and Riker sighed to himself. Just digging the hole deeper... He had an excuse. A twin brother, accused of treason and sedition, in jail for the rest of his life. People understood his stress and anger. If not, they were sympathetic, at least.

 _I forgive you. I forgive you._ He needed to say those words. Out loud and for real. But he didn’t have real, all he had was this: three and a half hours in Quark’s holosuite, using a secret custom program he was planning to destroy. Because it had to be destroyed. All the secret information in that program—prison layout, guards, the warden’s name—it was a gold mine for the Maquis trying to break their people out. Then Will would be a traitor too. He was already a traitor to his own family, the Federation was all he had left.

As Riker made his way back to his ship, he remembered the interrogation after they caught Thomas. He didn’t know anything and Picard backed him one hundred percent, but they still had to ask.

He said something that day, something that would never leave him as long as he lived. The shuttle door closed with a metallic echo and his words rang hollow in his ears:

“When was the last time you saw your brother?” the Admiral asked.

“Six months ago. We were on the same leave schedule and paid a visit to our father,” Will answered.

“And you haven’t seen your brother since?”

“No, sir.”

“Do you plan to visit your brother after his sentencing?”

“No, sir.”

Maybe it wasn’t Thomas he needed to forgive. After that, though, Will Riker sure as hell would never forgive himself.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Simon Tarses is from episode 4x21, The Drumhead. He was the crew member who lied about being part Romulin. And of course, we also had the Federation investigators doubting Worf in that episode. That's what made me think the Federation might have great prejudice against, not just traitors, but even their innocent family members.


End file.
